chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
