omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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