i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
