We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
birth control should be required to get into college
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
