I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
