I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
