You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I believe in your delicious
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
