well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
