so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
