My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Randomize
