my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
