and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
