im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Randomize
