Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
