after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
