Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
You are a genius and a whore.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
