I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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