dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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