Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
