i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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