your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
