are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
