Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
