dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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