I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
