I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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