We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
