i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
