I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
