Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
