Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
