he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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