I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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