that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
