I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
