Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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