alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
