If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
