I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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