I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Randomize
