I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
