he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
