You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
