I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
