This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
