i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
