nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
