just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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