Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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