I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
