the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
