I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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