I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
