i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
