i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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