What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I wish you could order shots online.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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