I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just google imaged poop.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Randomize
